I’m just tryna live.

I think it is so funny how much we try to look like we have it all together. I’m not sure about you, but I always see people, especially on social media, that say they are not perfect and they have struggles, etc. etc.. Yet they always seem to have their hair done with a perfect seasonally appropriate outfit on. Their houses are so clean and organized and they have gorgeous décor. They have cute selfies with their spouse and beautiful children. They have amazing media content and are just so perfect looking.

Here’s my perspective. It’s either one of two things – they are way more perfect than they claim or, they are crazy and social media is all they have.

Now here’s my deal – I don’t care. I don’t care that they say they aren’t perfect or they are crazy. I don’t see that part. I see the perfection. I see these things and I IMMEDIATELY compare myself.

The question is why. Why do we always see someone and compare ourselves to them?????? Gosh this is so damaging. Some people say that social media is the problem. I don’t think that’s true. I love social media. These days its basically the only social that we have. I like to be able to see peoples lives and how they are doing without having to call or see them. Say what you must about that but we all have lives and we are just trying to live!! lol!!

Side note: I always say things like “just go live your life” or “they are just trying to live their life” to my kids. I don’t want them to be concerned with what other people are doing but to focus on living their own life. Well, the other day Brian was trying to put Skylar to bed and she didnt want to go. He picks her up and she yells “Just let me live my lifeeeeeeeeee”. We all cracked up! Eh, I guess you had to be there.

Anyways – I always talk about how I am a hot mess and everything that goes along with that. I always say that I don’t have myself put together. I am hoping that all of you have seen enough of me to realize that I mean it!

I try to tell myself that its okay because I have peace and a loving family and other things that are true but don’t really seem to justify it enough.

Next, I try to correct things, like have my ducks in a row and be more organized and more GrOwN uP… but guess what… I am not like that. I don’t use a planner. I won’t ever post a blog on a consistent day. I don’t change the winter and summer clothes over. I will sometimes try to make a list and inevitably lose it.

I’m just NOT LIKE THAT!!!!

I am the one who is going to be late. I am the one who will completely forget that I already bought milk and now I have 2 gallons of it – oh, and eggs, yup 3 cartons of eggs guys. I am the one who hands in preschool assignments a month late. I am the one who will have some sort of food or cat hair on my clothes. I’m the one who has dirty kids and a smelly house and can’t find a damn thing in this place.

I’m the one who swears by accident in front of your grandma and asks my boss if we are still homies when I make a mistake. I’m the one that will dump the glass of wine at a fancy dinner. I’m the one who has more trash and nerf darts in my purse than anything else.

I’ve decided that instead of trying to correct this – because I can’t – I am going to just rock it. I have four little kids and people say all the time but you do so much!! Yea, and so do plenty of other people who have their life together lol! It’s like when you tell a pregnant lady oh just eat the cookies, you are going to lose all the weight. Yea – okay Susan.

The reality is that I will still lose everything and be covered in food when my kids grow up and move out.

I’ll be honest with you – I’m not really sure what my hot mess looks like in God’s eyes, but I will tell you that I know that He likes me the way I am and His creation is made with a purpose.

I will also tell you that there are some pluses to being a hot mess. First of all – I will be the last person to judge you. You can feel comfortable around me and in my home. My kids are super happy kids and we just chill instead of folding clothes. If I could show you the laundry pile guys. We can’t find socks but we laugh a lot! I can also tell you that you probably won’t ever be as late as I am. I will always listen to you and I’m sure I can relate. I will probably forget what you said after you say it so there’s certainly a level of comfort in knowing I won’t spread that business. If we made plans and you want to stay home instead, I’m sure I either double booked myself or completely forgot anyways. If I let you borrow a shirt and you don’t want to give it back, I will just assume I can’t find it – so that’s a plus. There will inevitably be a dance party at my house 24/7. I am certain that if you are moving and need boxes – I have a ton. You don’t have to take your shoes off when you come in my house – ever. You can be confident in knowing that pajamas are always appropriate attire at the Henderson House. We don’t have vegetables but we have plenty of junk food. Oh, and when you come, make sure you’re ready for a theatrical performance put on by my twins. They will tell you all the jokes and undoubtedly beatbox and rap for you.

Why am I saying all of this? Because I know for a fact that I am not the only person in the world that is learning to be okay with who they are. This isn’t me saying that I don’t like myself or whatever. This is me saying I’m done with the “5 ways to organize your towel shelf” posts on Pinterest. This is me saying that I’ll probably decorate for Christmas the day before if I can find the decorations and I am not going to let it bother me. This is me saying my kids socks will never match and mine won’t either and I’m okay with that. I’m done with the self help – I’m done with thinking I’m not a grown up yet because I don’t have my stuff together. I’m just trying to live.

Like seriously – this is gloves off here. WHO CARES. I don’t have to be a professional in a pencil skirt for people to take me seriously. I’ll tell you something else. People think they have it altogether until their kid comes home needing help on their CORE Math homework and now look who can’t even do math! HAHA KAREN YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE SO GROWN.

I think God puts some people together with some nice pine wood with wood glue perfectly lined up and gorgeous and some people He scotch tapes with pipe cleaners and pocket lint. You would think wow who needs pipe cleaners – until you do and then you are happy you have one, arentcha?!

Honestly, I have realized that I am the worst critic of myself (I know, I know this is a given) but I think that I have finally gone from hearing that to actually realizing that it’s true. So if that’s the case… why am I always trying to change? I’m dying on the wrong battlefield here.

Does God want me to grow? Of course! Does He want me to take care of my responsibilities? Yes! Does He want me to care about what I do and how I act and be respectful? I mean, duh. But does He really want me to try so hard to be that Type A personality that I am not being who He created? That’s gunna be a hard no, bruh.

The point of all of this is that God created me with an intention. I don’t know exactly what that is yet. But I do know that He is perfect. His ways are perfect. He will help me grow and change on His own timeline and the more I try to fight the Megan that He made, well – have you ever fought God before? I’m not tryna end up in the belly of a whale!

So, I’m going to rock on as the Megan that He made and watch His perfect plans fall together in His perfect way. I hope that you will self reflect and do the same! ❤

1 comment on “I’m just tryna live.

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