This is a rewrite because I deleted my last post by accident. Oh. My. Gosh. I was letting it eat me alive for like two hours. I am so used to being able to fix these types of things, but I can’t fix this.
It kind of just solidifies what I was originally writing about which is my self-worth. Why am I so twisted over this??
My dad keeps telling me, “Meg there is nothing you can do, just let it go.” I know that he is right but ugh I DON’T WANT TO LET IT GO!!!
I’m so angry with myself because I know that I should have backups and I didn’t this time. THIS CONTENT IS GOLDEN GUYS PURE FLIPPING GOLD!
So, here is my rewrite. I haven’t said much about this situation because I don’t really know what to say. BUT – here is what I know:
I have a love/hate relationship with working from home.
I am so over homeschooling I could cry, but I am grateful that we can teach our kids virtually.
I am so thankful to everyone on the front lines dealing with all of this mess.
I am totally okay if I never go into a grocery store every again.
I miss restaurants so much. I just want some hot queso and chips man.
I am so grateful that I have the peace of God and I don’t have to be afraid.
I am so blessed to be able to spend time with my kids when I used to be too busy to do that.
I am so happy that God has forced me to stop and think and enjoy this time.
I am so so so excited that I have this blog and people actually read it!! It floors me!
I think I said some other things, but I can’t remember. If you remember drop it in the comments.
The main message of all of this is that I need to learn to love me, or at least stop hating on myself. God has given me a revelation about my self-worth, and I am taking this time to explore that.
The other day I was trying to decide what curtains to put in the kids’ room and God spoke to me, “Who cares?”.
This may not seem like much, but it was so astounding to me. Seriously though, who cares!!? Now I am not trying to say that taking care of your house is not important. The key here is my motive. My goal is not to make a safe and warm home for my family (although I lie to myself and say that it is). The truth is that I want it to look nice so “people” will think that I am worthy. That I am a worthy mother and wife and worker and sister and friend and human.
Some of you know this that I have written these words before but here we are again, and I think that God is really trying to drill this into my skull. WHY IS MY SELF WORTH IN PEOPLE’S OPINIONS!?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to be a better person and trying to achieve greatness. The problem is when we idolize it over everything else and let it rob and kill and destroy our lives.
I always watch other successful woman and compare compare compare myself until I am hating on myself so hardcore its not even fair.
Along with being happy for them, I just compare and try to raise my own standards. I think there is a fine line between being better and being destructive.
I’m so mad right now because the way I put all of this the first go around was so much better! LOL! Anyways, you know what I mean. We just always feel like we are not enough. We always think we aren’t skinny enough or pretty enough or successful enough or anything enough. Our house isn’t clean, and our kids are crazy and the list goes on.
The reality is that I need to love me. Here is who Megan is:
I am impulsive but I have no problem making a decision.
I am impatient but I get the job done quickly.
I am sensitive but I care about people.
I am a hot mess but its sexy so whatever.
My attention span is really small, but I won’t waste your time.
I can’t keep a schedule, but I am super flexible.
I am not organized at all but who cares lol!
I can be so critical, but I have high standards.
I am all over the place all the time and God loves me anyways!!!
There is no problem with me trying to be better and more on top of things. But I HAVE TO BE ME! I can’t be you. I have to be the best ME! So, my standards for myself have to realistic. I don’t have a master’s degree because I don’t have the patience to do it and that is okay. I don’t have a perfectly nested home because I am a hot mess and I would rather spend time with people than nesting my home and that is okay! I don’t have a perfect body and that’s because I love to eat and don’t like working out and that is…. a little less okay, I really have to work on that one!
My point is that we are way too concerned with what we aren’t doing and what we are lacking instead of just trying to be a better version of us. I have achieved a lot in God’s eyes, and I need to start seeing myself as that way.
I WILL conquer this destructive behavior that is stealing my joy and my time and my attention. I am more than a conqueror through Christ, and I will have the victory. He says that I already have it! I just need to walk in it. I need to come against these thoughts and behaviors and not let it rule my existence!
Maybe today I won’t tell myself how wonderful I am, but I can at least not tell myself how crappy I am. That is growth, small steps. Maybe today I won’t get my kids on a schedule to make homeschooling more successful, but I can stop telling myself I am failing them. Maybe today I will trip over some Legos, but I can remind myself that my kids are happy and healthy and we have love in this home. Its crazy, hyper, loud, untamed love but love none the less.
I hope that this message helps someone out there. Lets choose to smile today knowing that the light of the world lives within us and let that light shine! Let’s stop thinking “Why can’t my light be brighter?”, and “Why is mine so yellow?”, and “I wish I was like Sally’s light, hers is a nice sunset orange”. Like just stop lol just breathe and just be you.
Yea its cliché and yea it sounds corny. But try it and see how much it changes the entire mood of your day! You will see that as you love on yourself you have a better perspective on your family and work and everything you do. As you share that love you live out God’s purpose for your life which is a beautiful thing!
We can be in quarantine and give ourselves a break. If you lose weight great, if you gain weight you’ll live. If you fix up your whole house awesome, if not – who cares? If you learn something new, woohoo if not, your lying – you’ve learned to live without Target.
If you play with your make up and it comes out with a sun kissed glow, awesome!!! If you look like a drag queen disco ball – just own it! If you spend all the time in the world teaching your kids how to be geniuses, go you!! If not, well I don’t know whats going to happen but we will find out! LOL We are in this together ladies. We got this! Lets just breathe okay.
So yes, we are okay. We are going to be okay. We are going to be more than okay!
Oh, and always back up your blog posts! … okay okay letting it go….
Stay safe and stay blessed! ❤
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